Blooming Love and Fading Love

Dear Pouring Rain,

I'm still waiting for you, for your mails. My all attempts went futile, to get you back, till date. I'm a little bit tired now. It's going to be 2 years, when you choose to tread on a different path. I'll celebrate my 29th birthday on coming 15th August. You left me on the same day, 2 years back, I remember. Each and everything, each and every word exchanged between us, I remember.

How can I forget them? You were the world for me and I just wanted to care you, wanted to adore you. It was something like religion for me and I always mentioned it, when you were close to me. I wanted to sacrifice myself. I took the relationship as my duty only.

Dear Pouring Rain, I've not read Bhagawad Gita but I learnt it from my mother. She always use to chant shlokas in Sanskrit and sometime in Hindi. Lord Krisha has said in Bhagawad Gita, Actions based on performance of sacrifice, charity and austerity should never be renounced; they certainly must be enacted; performance of sacrifice, charity and austerities are purifying for those in wisdom. Moreover, these activities should be performed as duty, renouncing attachment to fruitful results. You must be surprised, why I'm talking about Bhagawad Gita. I just want to let you know, I kept doing all the things for you in the name of Karma only. This is the reason, I'm not harassed.

Anyways…! Your departure from my life is a beginning of a new era. I felt it, in last two years. Love is blooming day by day and won't come to an end till my last breath, I'm sure.

It's possible, I could have lost you, after getting you. I'm talking about fading love. I was reading a story yesterday, "The death of Ivan Ilyich", by Lev Tolstoy. The story covers life of Ivan, his affair with a pretty, sweet and well breed girl, following the marriage and repeated quarrels, after the birth of their first baby. When you get your love, it fades away with a cruel smile and you just keep moving to a certain distance from your beloved one. Ivan Ilyich was the victim of his own love. Only one year after his marriage Ivan realized that conjugal life, while offering certain conveniences, was actually a very complicated and difficult matter. In the mean time his wife grew more querulous and ill-tempered. Dear friend, let me explain the last scene. Ivan is shown on the death bed, lying on his back, groaning and staring. His wife Praskovya Fyodorovna began to speak to him about his medicine. Ivan turns his eyes upon her. She didn't finish what she was saying, so great was the hatred- the hatred of her- that she read in his eyes. "For God's sake, let me die in peace," he said.

The story in nicely woven with great words. The phenomenon of the Russian writer Tolstoy can hardly be compared to any other figure in world literature. His writings, a heritage of truly Herculean proportions cover a variety of genres of literature; novels, novellas, short stories, plays etc. I'm a great lover of Russian literature from very beginning. I'll talk about more Russian masters in my next letters.

Well, dear friend. Sometimes, I think…It's better to stay at safe distance to keep the love blooming. Well.. Past is past…It's a new dawn and we should proceed further now. Proceed to reach to a new horizon. Go and get married, have children and manage your world. Love will be keep blooming at my end, I promise. Just go through this poem. It may be looking melancholy, but contains great meaning.

I dreamt a thousand dreams

But they twinkle like stars

Love and pain becomes same to me

As I have a smile on my face

That tells the story of sorrow and death

In the realm of my loneliness Again I am dreaming

If I could see a star is rushing towards me

To give me the message of life

Then what should I do?

Live, die or wait for the another tragedy?

It would be nice, if you reply.

Thanks

The Desert.